


Ron Weasley's list of Unexplainable Things

by FairytaleSnail



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Mistaken Identity, Oblivious Ron Weasley, Polyjuice Potion, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairytaleSnail/pseuds/FairytaleSnail
Summary: Ron might be hallucinating, or he might be in Harry Potter's body, in Draco Malfoy's bed, being offered spare pillows and foot massages. So, yeah. He’s probably hallucinating.(No sex under polyjuice or anything like that in here, just fluff and confusion)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 18
Kudos: 223





	Ron Weasley's list of Unexplainable Things

**Author's Note:**

> This was a 2am-in-the-middle-of-exams kind of an idea, which took me about a day to write and then a month to persuade myself to post. So... if it sounds like it was written by a sleep deprived student then yeah, thats because it was  
> Also, it's unbetaed (none of my friends like fanfic, sadly) so sorry if there are mistakes, point them out and I’ll try to fix it.

Ron’s not sure how he feels about being assigned to Tonks as his escort for this journey. He’s played quidditch with her a few times before and knows she's pretty good on a broom, but he still feels uncomfortable completely entrusting his safety to anyone, no matter how skilled they are at flying. He's tried riding on the backs of his brothers’ brooms a few times before, and on one memorable occasion persuaded Hermione to let him fly her to a picnic (now they apparate most places when necessary - it may not be strictly allowed but after the picnic debacle Hermione has decided it's a safer option) - so he knows that carrying someone else with you is quite a different matter to riding solo. But he's doing this for Harry's sake, so he's not going to chicken out now. Not to mention that he's already taken the polyjuice, and so even if he wanted to opt out he's missed his chance. 

Despite the last minute panic, he manages to persuade himself to get on the broom (there is a significant wobble as he swings his leg over, which doesn’t feel like a good sign, but there’s nothing to be done about it now). Tonks actually turns out to be an even better flyer than he’s remembered, and Ron feels quite confident once they’re in the air. Yes, the death eaters seem to have caught on that they’re flying tonight, so they’re dodging fast left and right to avoid the hexes being thrown at them, but Tonks’ years as a seeker must have paid off as she avoids them without too much trouble. It’s all going surprisingly well, considering, until one well placed curse catches Ron in the knee, and he leans down to investigate the extent of the damage just as Tonks swerves sharply upwards. Unprepared, he somehow manages to simultaneously knock his head into the broom handle, and slip off the back (which is quite a feat, honestly, and might even be humorous if this wasn’t probably a life or death situation) - and suddenly he’s hurtling fast towards the ground, feeling the world fading around him, and his mind slipping away as he falls.

When he regains consciousness, he finds himself in a house. Oh! He thinks, drowsily, he must have made it ok after all! Then, as his senses come back to him, he realises in quick succession that: 1) this is not a room he recognises, and 2) Tonks is nowhere to be seen, but there is someone else in here with him. The figure is turned away so he can't see their face, but they’re dressed in a cloak that looks distinctly death-eater-y, and stirring something in a cauldron, green smoke rising off the top. Ah. He hasn't escaped then, he's been captured. Absentmindedly (because somehow despite now being awake he still feels weirdly out of it - drugged, perhaps?) he considers that at least if he's been captured and is about to be taken to be murdered by Voldemort, that probably means that they believe he is Harry. He wonders if he should tell them the truth, if that will free him, but then realises that even if he told them they'd probably still kill him (perhaps after torturing him first for information), and that at least this way Harry (the real Harry) will probably have a pretty good chance of getting away. So at least he's dying for a good cause. He hopes they get it over and done with quickly before the polyjuice wears off. He does a quick calculation in his head. If he's been unconscious for about - half an hour? then he has - maybe another hour left before he’s back to himself. He wonders how they’ll react when his corpse shifts back to gangly, red haired Ronald Weasley.

Trying to push away the morbid thoughts, he looks around for more clues on where he might be. The room looks… surprisingly normal. Its not a traditional dungeon, or torture chamber, or a grand room in some great manor house. In fact, he would never have guessed it belonged to a death eater at all, had it not been for the actual real life death eater standing slap bang in the middle of his line of view. It's just a bedroom, with a tv in the corner, some shelves of worn out looking books and more stacked on the floor, peeling wallpaper in a sophisticated, pale blue grey colour, and an extremely comfy double bed in the middle, which he is currently lying on. Hermione would like it, he thinks. They have in fact been looking for somewhere to move into together after Hogwarts (when they have time away from all Harry's crazy adventures), and so far haven't seen anywhere nearly as nice as this place. If someone does come to save him from here, and they manage to kill this death eater without alerting Voldemort, then this whole lovely house will probably be empty. It might be even sold off cheaply, if its previous occupant has been murdered in it. Furniture included too, perhaps. If he can figure out where he is, maybe he and Hermione can come back later to have a proper look round. Of course there may still be some trap doors and evil paintings and the like, it being a death eater house, but they can sort that out later.

Of course, this whole plan does rely heavily on him not dying in the next few hours, and Ron mentally curses himself for getting distracted. His brain is still not quite right (which he blames on the possible drugging). He starts to compile a mental list of things that he is not yet able to explain;

  1. Where is he?
  2. How did he get here?
  3. Who is the death eater standing in front of him? (And why do they have such a nice house?!)
  4. Has he been drugged?
  5. Why hasn't he been killed yet?



He tries to sit up to get a better look at the situation and any possible escape routes, but realises he is attached to the bed, with some kind of tie around his leg. He tries to shift it, but the whole thing just feels vaguely numb and dead. He tries again, tugging hard from his hip to yank it out, and a sharp pain shoots up from his knee. He can’t suppress the cry that drags itself from his throat.

This is of course enough to alert the figure in front of him that something is happening, and they turn and push back their hood, revealing white blonde hair and the familiar face of Draco Malfoy. He was right, then. He is trapped in a death eater’s house, waiting to be possibly tortured and then killed by Voldemort. He wriggles again, futily.

‘Stop moving!’ Malfoy says, coming closer to push him back down into the bed. ‘Your leg is broken, I strapped it down to try and stop you from wriggling around too much and making it worse.’

Another thing to add to the list - 6) why is Malfoy trying to stop his leg from getting worse?

In a vague effort to find some answers, although he knows Malfoy is unlikely to tell him anything of use, he asks ‘What are you doing?’ and ‘Have you drugged me?’

‘What the hell Harry?’ Malfoy asks, sounding rather put out (and that brings him to 7) - since when does Malfoy call Harry by his first name?) 

‘Of course I didnt drug you’ Malfoy continues, defensively - ‘I just did some numbing charms, so if you feel woozy that’s why. And I’m making a poultice for your leg. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes, you'll just have to sit tight till then’

He wonders again why Malfoy is helping him (if that really is what he's doing), and then it clicks - Voldemort probably wants Harry alive and healthy, so that killing him is as satisfying as possible. Or something like that. He readjusts himself in the bed again, partly because he isn’t in the comfiest of positions, and partly just to be antagonistic. Malfoy glares at him till he lies still, then shakes his head in exasperation and turns back to the cauldron. 

‘Honestly, if I hadn’t found you you’d definitely be dead by now - if not the dark lord then from your own stupidity! How have you even survived this long?’

A burst of glittery purple emerges from the cauldron, and Malfoy stops stirring, seemingly satisfied, and comes to sit on the edge of the bed.

‘Only a few minutes more, ok? Do you want anything while we’re waiting? Glass of water, another numbing charm?’ Ron doesn't say anything, and Malfoy raises a suggestive eyebrow at him before continuing - ‘Foot massage?’

Somehow, he manages to hold back his laugh at the thought of Draco Malfoy massaging Harry's feet. He almost adds the suggestion to his list of Unexplainable Things, but quickly dismisses it instead as sarcasm, because even though Malfoy’s tone was serious, he knows there is no other possible explanation.

He catches sight of his phone and wand on the bedside table. If Malfoy would only leave him alone for a minute…

‘I would actually like some water’ he says. ‘And another pillow if you have one’

(He knows he might be pushing his luck on the pillow, but he really would quite like one. Especially if he’s expected to lie still here till his leg is fixed)

Fortunately (and surprisingly), Malfoy doesn’t bat an eyelid at his request, and jumps up to find him one. As soon as he leaves, Ron reaches one arm out carefully towards the bedside table, trying not to make any noise. He manages to grab the phone, but as he pulls it back towards him he knocks a book, which falls to the floor with a dull thud.

Malfoy reappears in the doorway immediately, pillow in hand. ‘Stop moving! Are you trying to make it worse?? If you keep this up I'm going to -’ he pauses, obviously trying to think of an appropriate punishment. Ron is suddenly very glad that Voldemort wants Harry alive and unharmed, otherwise he'd probably be about to lose a limb. Still, a crucio is probably to be expected. He braces himself for it.

Malfoy continues, seemingly not noticing how Ron’s whole body is tensed up expectantly, ‘I’ll withhold sex for a week!’

Now that really doesn't make sense. Ron wonders if there is some kind of evil, death eater chastity curse. Though he can’t see how Harry would be much impacted by a week without sex if he was in the hands of the death eaters, about to be killed. Its not like Harry even has very much sex anyway, in the normal course of things, although Malfoy wouldnt know that. It's been years since Ron can even remember him having a girlfriend. Ron decides to file this unconventional punishment at the top of his list of Unexplainable Things.

‘If you wanted the phone’, Malfoy continues, sounding exasperated, and weirdly sympathetic (another mind game, perhaps), ‘you could have just asked me. Although I don't think it’ll be much good to you, looks like it's the Weasel’s. Wand, too. Did you break yours again?’

Ron doesn't know how to reply to this, so he says nothing.

‘I’ve turned it off, anyway, in case they track it - I don't think your friends would want to find you here. I was going to wait till you were better before sending the word out. If they come now they'll probably assume I'm trying to kill you’

Now this Ron cant resist replying to, partly because he’s still not thinking straight (maybe now is not the best time to be antagonistic), and partly because his list of Unexplainable Things is quickly building up and he really needs some answers soon.

‘Is that not what you’re trying to do?’

Malfoy fixes him with a genuinely concerned look, and says, seemingly half to himself - ‘I did check you for a concussion and you seemed fine, but maybe I should check again’

Ron has no clue what is going on here. He's missing something, definitely, there must be something that Harry would know that would make this all make sense. But he is not Harry, and there is probably no way he can know till he can ask Harry, so in the meantime he should just go along with this whole situation as though he understands what is happening. He adds it to the top of the list, then scraps the list, because what it all adds up to is not, in fact, a list but one, central mystery - Malfoy bringing him here, being caring, concerned, healing him, fetching him pillows - it all seems to lead to one conclusion.

As he realises this he also realises that perhaps he really hasn't understood anything, not just of what has happened in the last half hour, but in the last few years. Because somehow, if he's right about all this, Draco Malfoy has in fact SAVED Harry Potter from the death eaters he is meant to be on the side of, brought him back to his house to nurse him back to health, and through the whole thing acted fond, and attentive, and kinder than Ron had ever imagined he could be. And there are only two explanations that Ron can think of for this - either he’s gone crazy from the blood loss, exhaustion and numbing charms, or Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter are, against all odds and in complete secrecy, friends.

This revelation renders him speechless, but fortunately Malfoy doesn't notice, because he's back at the cauldron, spooning out some kind of jelly into a small bowl. He returns to sit on the end of the bed, and pulls back the blanket to reveal Ron's leg, which is bloody and swollen. He winces at the sight of it. Malfoy looks up at him apologetically. ‘Sorry. It’ll be over soon, I promise’. He takes a handful of the jelly and begins to rub it into the gash on Ron’s knee with one hand, then reaches out with the other to hold Ron's hand. Which. Is weird. It's definitely not something  _ he _ would normally do with Harry, or indeed any of his other friends, but every friendship is different, he supposes. He doesn't pull away, partly so as not to arouse any more suspicion, and partly because it is surprisingly nice, calming, Malfoy’s thumb stroking over his.

While Malfoy is preoccupied with the poultice, Ron uses his free hand to pull out his phone again, and turns it on. There are 34 missed messages from Hermione, and he begins to type out a reply, then imagines her bursting in here to the sanctuary of Malfoy’s house, all guns blazing, and thinks better of it. Instead he texts Harry.

**Did you get back safely?**

The reply comes less than 30 seconds later

_ Ron!!! Are you alright? Where the hell are you?? _

Ron isn't sure how long he's got before Malfoy notices him texting and asks who he's talking to, so he gets straight to the point

**I’m at Malfoy’s house**

**He thinks I’m you**

**I broke my leg, but he's fixing it**

**Can you get here quickly?**

He thinks about it for a moment, then adds ‘ **he's also holding my hand** ’ because this seems like pertinent information.

There's no reply, but it doesn't matter because he hardly has to wait at all before Harry appears with a loud pop. (He looks remarkably unbothered about appearing unannounced in Malfoy’s bedroom. Ron takes a moment to wonder how many times he has been here before, how often he must visit, for the apparition wards to be set to let him in.).

Malfoy looks round at him, then back at Ron, and then round again, completely perplexed. He drops Ron's hand and instead grasps his wand, but then falters, unsure who to point it at.

‘Harry?’ He asks, looking between them.

‘Draco.’ the real Harry says. ‘Can I speak to you in the kitchen?’

Malfoy narrows his eyes at the intruder. ‘How do I know that’s you?’

‘It’s him.’ Ron says ‘I texted him’

‘So who the hell are-- oh.’ Malfoy is obviously piecing together the phone, the wand, the red tips of hair Ron can see out the corner of his eye where the polyjuice is beginning to wear off. 

Malfoy nods slowly, still obviously confused, and goes with Harry. They're speaking in hushed tones, obviously trying not to be overheard, but Ron hears most of it anyway.

‘Are you telling me I just spent half an hour holding Weasley’s hand and rubbing cream into his wounds?’

Harry is obviously finding this hilarious. ‘You did what?’

‘Oh bloody hell’ Malfoy whines ‘I offered him a foot massage!’

Harry is properly laughing now. ‘Did he accept?’

‘No, thank god. Can you imagine-’

Ron angles himself better, to see through the gap of the doorframe. Harry is doubled over, his head on Malfoys shoulder. Malfoy is smiling and rubbing his back.

Harry lifts his head again, and murmurs something that could be ‘thanks for looking after him’

‘Well,’ Malfoy grumbles, ‘only because I thought it was you’

‘Still. It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me.’

And then - Rons not sure if he’s actually seeing this, or if it’s just a product of the weird angle and the residual effect of the numbing charms, but he thinks he sees Harry wrap an arm around Malfoy’s waist, and bring their faces together in what looks like… a kiss. He is definitely not awake enough to make sense of this yet. He squeezes his eyes shut as though to reset his brain, and when he opens them again Harry is coming back into the bedroom and sitting down beside him.

‘Can you… not tell anyone about this?’

Ron smiles sleepily and settles back into the bed.

‘Don’t worry Harry, your secret is safe with me’

‘Right. Thanks.’ Harry is still sitting up straight, biting his lip and looking concerned, and Ron realises that he expects them to talk about this. Which is ok, he’d like to know, he just wasn’t expecting-- Harry can be very private, and as curious as he is Ron doesn’t want to intrude on this more than he already has. Also, the day is really catching up with him, and he kind of just wants to go back to sleep and put this whole weird thing out of his mind.

‘Sorry I didn't tell you sooner’ Harry says. ‘I understand if you’re confused, or upset. I know it's not exactly -- what anyone expected for me.’

Ron smiles dopily at him. ‘He seems like a good person.’

‘He is. He’s - he means a lot to me.’

Harry is speaking very carefully, and Ron senses that this conversation might not be quite what he thought it was, that there's some other level to it that he's not quite privy to. It seems suddenly to be a very important discussion that he should definitely be having with a clear head. ‘Sorry Harry’, he mumbles, face turning into the pillow, ‘can we talk about this when I'm more awake?’

Harry nods. ‘I should get you back to the Burrow. Everyone’s been worried sick’

‘Didn't you tell them anything before you left?’

Harry shakes his head. ‘Not much. I was more concerned about getting here as fast as possible to save you from my b- my friend.’

(A spark of jealousy strikes Ron as he wonders if Harry had been about to say ‘best friend’, but he pushes the thought out of his mind. Even with the whole secret life, unexpected friendship with mysterious-death-eater-Malfoy/actually-quite-a-nice-guy-Draco, Ron is sure he will always be Harry's best friend.)

Harry calls to the other room - 'Draco, can you get in here and help me with a levitation spell to get Ron back home?’ and then Malfoy is back, and Ron feels himself being gently lifted off the bed. Harry leans to kiss Malfoy on the cheek, and then before they can apparate away Malfoy grabs Harry's wrist, holding him back.

‘Stay’ he asks

Harry smiles sadly ‘I can’t, I’ve got a safe house to get to.’

‘I promise you this place is safer. Last place Voldemort would ever expect you to be’

Harry looks like he is desperate to say yes.

‘Its ok’ Ron tells him. ‘I don't mind. I'll explain to the rest of them, tell them not to come looking’ He’s unsure why exactly he’s willingly surrendering Harry to a known death eater when the whole point of today has been to get him safely to the Burrow with the Order, but he knows deep down that Malfoy will look after him - and that it really is the last place anyone would look.

Harry looks at him guiltily. ‘Are you sure?’

He nods, and then feels Harry’s hand on his arm, and the quick, familiar pull of apparition, and suddenly there's voices everywhere. Harry disappears again as soon as he had arrived.

  
  


As soon as Ron appears back at the Burrow, he is surrounded by a throng of family and friends. He allows himself to be maneuvered into a bed, amid assurances that yes, everyone else got back ok, and they were just  _ so worried  _ about him, and where on earth has he  _ been _ , and Tonks has been absolutely panicking, and even the Weasley clock didn’t know where to point - and then finally everyone is shooed away, leaving him alone with his girlfriend.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ She asks, stroking a hand over his forehead. ‘What happened to your leg?’

‘I’m not sure’ Ron tells her, because really he doesn't know what's going on anymore, and he's still not entirely sure he didn't dream the whole thing. ‘I think a curse hit it. Or maybe I whacked it on something as I fell?’

She examines the wound, which is still covered in a thin layer of green jelly, the edges slowly but visibly pulling themselves back together. ‘Who treated it?’ she asks, her brow furrowing, ‘looks like a pretty well made poultice, did you go to St Mungos?’

He shakes his head. ‘A friend of Harry’s found me. He took me back to his house’

‘Is that where Harry went?’

‘Yeah, he came to fetch me. He’ll be back tomorrow’

‘Tomorrow? We can't just leave him there overnight! We have to know he's safe! That was the point of this whole thing!’ Hermione exclaims, gripping his hand. ‘Who’s he with? Where do they live?’

Ron is desperate to tell her all about Draco Malfoy, and his lovely house, and how gentle his voice is when he speaks to Harry, and how much Harry obviously cares about him, but it's not his secret to tell. Instead, he yawns, shakes his head again, and says ‘don't look for him, Mione, I promise he's safe. Just let him have this. He'll tell us all about it later.’ 

And, at long last, Ronald Weasley allows himself to close his eyes and have a well deserved rest. Maybe everything will make sense in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! This is my first attempt at writing my own fic after many years of reading them, so I hope it was ok - if you liked it please leave a comment, I'd love to know - and if you didn't then constructive criticism is very welcome too!  
> I'm also on Tumblr as Earthwormanarchy if you want to say hi


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